Finding Love Again

By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz "the marriage doctors"

Award Winning Authors of the NEW Hardback Book Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage

Let’s be honest here – finding love the second time around is tough – it is difficult. Sometimes, it is downright painful. Oftentimes, searching for love again ends in failure. There are no magic elixirs when it comes to finding love again the second time around.

Following the death of a spouse or the loss of a spouse through divorce, many individuals are “thrown on the street again” when it comes to finding love. And let’s face it; finding love again can be very, very challenging.

We have interviewed individuals over the years that confided in us that they doubted they could ever “strike another match” again when it came to finding new love.

We have met with many people who wanted new love so desperately. Most of these good people indicated to us that they did not want to grow old by themselves, but they admitted that finding love again wasn’t easy. And, if you are one of those people who spent much of your life with someone you truly loved, finding new love again is especially complicated.

Truth is, good people are so desperate for love sometimes, that they will forget their basic value system and look for love – any love – regardless of the consequence! Those that fall into this trap usually regret it.

Here’s what we have found from our research over the years – finding love again is different than finding it the first time around. Make no mistake about that.

For example, the education level of your potential new partner is much more important the second time around. If you have a Ph.D. and you are dating a high school graduate, the chance of a lasting love is slim. Educational compatibility is far more important the second time around. Find someone whose education attainment is similar to yours.

Secondly, finding love again requires that you find someone who is secure within themselves – someone who likes living in their own skin.

Do they feel secure? Do they need external validation or are they content with their own validation? Falling in love again requires that you fall in love with someone who feels secure and self-confident. You cannot take the risk of falling in love all over gain with someone who is insecure. Trust us on this. The research evidence is overwhelming.

Moreover, does your potential lover have a good self-concept? Do they feel good about themselves? Are they proud of themselves and their accomplishments? If they wallow in self-pity and self-doubt, they are probably not the one for you.

And here is a big one when it comes to finding love all over again. Are you falling in love with someone who has a sense of adventure with it comes to life? Are they content with the status quo or are they willing to “step outside the line” and be adventuresome, be daring, and live life to the fullest?

Sitting in a rocking chair is not the way to blissful life and love! Going to museums, zoos, concerts, and plays is fun and exhilarating. Hiking, biking, diving, gardening, dancing, and walking/jogging are fun. If you desire these things, it stands to reason that you must find someone who values the same things as well.

And finally, does your new love interest like to read the newspaper, watch the news on television, keep informed about world events, and, in general, be an informed person? If they don’t, perhaps, you should find someone who does.

Our point in all this should be clear – if you want to find love the second time around you must look for someone who values and cherishes the things that matter the most to you. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can find love the second time around with someone who is not like you.

When we are older and lose the one we love, we often find ourselves searching for true love again. Frankly, we must remember the most important lesson of all – finding true love again requires that we find someone we are compatible with, someone we are willing to share our life with, and someone who values what we believe to be important. To not recognize these things is to find yourself out of love again. Don’t make that mistake.

Finding love again is never easy. Of that you can be sure. But one thing is for certain, you will not find true love again with someone whose likes and dislikes are not compatible with your own. It is not in the cards.

Love well!